The internet is full of lists telling you to swim with dolphins, see the pyramids, and eat street food in Bangkok before you die. Those lists are fun. They are also missing the point.
When you talk to people in the final chapters of their lives — hospice workers, palliative care doctors, chaplains — the things they hear people wishing for are almost never about experiences they missed. They are about words left unsaid, connections left unfinished, and preparations left undone.
This is a different kind of list. These ten things will not make for great Instagram posts. But they will make for a life — and a death — with fewer regrets.
1. Write a Letter to Each Person You Love
Not a text. Not an email. A letter — handwritten if possible — that says what you have never fully said.
Tell your children what you admire most about them. Tell your partner what your life together has meant. Tell a friend how they changed your path. Tell a sibling that the old fight does not matter anymore.
Hospice workers consistently report that the most requested end-of-life activity is writing or dictating messages to loved ones. The tragedy is that many people wait until they physically cannot do it.
You do not need to wait for a crisis. Write these letters now, while your mind is clear and your hand is steady. You can give them now or save them for later. Either way, they exist. And they will matter more than almost anything else you leave behind.
2. Have the Money Conversation With Your Family
Talking about money and inheritance is uncomfortable for almost every family. That discomfort is why so many families are torn apart after a parent dies — not by grief, but by confusion, assumptions, and resentment about finances.
Have the conversation now. It does not need to be a formal meeting. But your family should know:
- That you have a will (and where it is)
- The general outline of your wishes
- Who is responsible for what if something happens to you
- Where to find your important documents
- Whether you have debts they should know about
This conversation is not morbid. It is an act of love. You are sparing your family the agonizing process of guessing your wishes during the worst moments of their lives.
3. Tell Your Story
You carry a version of your family's history that no one else has. You remember things about your parents, your grandparents, and your childhood that will disappear entirely if you do not record them.
This does not require writing a book. It can be:
- A voice recording on your phone
- A series of short written stories
- A video conversation with your child who asks you questions
- Handwritten notes in the margins of a photo album
Start with whatever feels natural. The format does not matter. What matters is that your voice — your memories, your perspective, your humor, your pain, your wisdom — is captured somewhere.
4. Get Your Affairs in Order
This is the least romantic item on this list and possibly the most important. When someone dies without clear documentation, their family faces weeks or months of detective work during the worst period of their lives.
Getting your affairs in order means creating one clear document or binder that contains:
- Your will and where the original is kept
- Insurance policies and contact information
- Bank accounts and investment accounts
- Property documents and titles
- Login information for digital accounts
- Contact information for your lawyer, accountant, and financial advisor
- Your wishes for funeral or memorial arrangements
This is not just about efficiency. It is about compassion. Every hour your family does not have to spend searching for account numbers is an hour they can spend grieving, supporting each other, and beginning to heal.
5. Forgive Someone
You know who it is. You have been carrying it for years — maybe decades. The anger, the hurt, the sense of betrayal.
Forgiveness is not about declaring that what happened was acceptable. It is about releasing the grip that past events have on your present emotions. It is a gift you give yourself.
Some acts of forgiveness require a conversation. Others can be done privately, through writing, therapy, or quiet reflection. The method matters less than the intention.
And while you are at it: forgive yourself. For the parenting mistakes, the career detours, the relationships you mishandled, the opportunities you missed. You did the best you could with what you had. That is enough.
6. Say the Things You Have Been Postponing
There are things you have been meaning to say. You know what they are. They sit in the back of your mind, surfacing at odd moments — during long drives, sleepless nights, quiet afternoons.
Maybe it is "I am sorry." Maybe it is "I am proud of you." Maybe it is "I love you." Maybe it is "I need help."
Whatever the words are, they have an expiration date. Not because you are going to die tomorrow — you probably are not. But because the window for these conversations to have their full impact narrows with time. Relationships calcify around silence. People stop waiting to hear what you have to say.
Say it now. Even if it is awkward. Even if you cry. Especially if you cry.
7. Record a Message for a Future Moment
Imagine your grandchild on their wedding day, watching a video of you offering your blessing. Imagine your child, struggling through a crisis, opening a letter you wrote for exactly this moment.
You can create these time-capsule messages now:
- A video for your grandchild's graduation
- A letter for your child to read when they become a parent
- A message of encouragement for a family member you know will face a specific challenge
- A recording of your voice reading a favorite story, poem, or prayer
These messages collapse time. They allow you to be present at moments you might not be alive to witness. They are, in a very real sense, a form of immortality.
8. Make a Map of Your Life
Not a geographical map (though that could be part of it). A map of the events, decisions, relationships, and turning points that made you who you are.
This might look like:
- A timeline of the ten most important moments in your life
- A list of the people who influenced you most and how
- A collection of the lessons you learned the hard way
- A description of the values you hold most deeply and where they came from
This map is not just for your descendants. Creating it is clarifying for you. It helps you see patterns, appreciate your journey, and understand what you want to prioritize with the time you have left.
9. Experience Something That Humbles You
In a life focused on competence and achievement, it is easy to lose touch with the feeling of awe — the experience of encountering something so vast, so beautiful, or so complex that it puts your own life in perspective.
This does not require a trip to the Grand Canyon (though that works). Awe can be found in:
- Watching a thunderstorm from a safe place
- Sitting in silence in a cathedral, mosque, or forest
- Looking through a telescope
- Holding a newborn
- Listening to a piece of music that moves you to tears
Research shows that experiences of awe increase generosity, reduce stress, and enhance feelings of connection to something larger than yourself. In other words, awe is good medicine.
10. Decide What You Want to Be Remembered For
This is not about vanity or reputation. It is about intention.
If you do not decide what you want your legacy to be, it will be decided for you — by default, by accident, by whatever happens to stick in people's memories.
But if you are intentional about it, you can shape what endures:
- The values you modeled
- The stories you told
- The kindness you showed
- The traditions you established
- The wisdom you passed down
- The way you made people feel
Ask yourself: "If my grandchildren could know only three things about me, what would I want those three things to be?" Then live — and document — accordingly.
Why This List Matters Now
None of these items require perfect health, unlimited money, or a specific deadline. They require only willingness and a bit of courage.
And here is the unexpected benefit: doing these things does not just prepare you for death. It enriches your life right now. Writing letters deepens relationships. Having honest conversations resolves tensions. Getting your affairs in order brings peace of mind. Telling your story clarifies your identity.
The things that matter before you die are, it turns out, the same things that matter while you are alive.
Your Next Step
You do not need to tackle this entire list today. Pick one item — the one that made your stomach tighten a little as you read it. That tightness is your signal. It is the thing you have been avoiding, and it is probably the most important one.
Start there.
